Non-canon meta intermission.
[MILESTONE DETECTED]
Chapters published: 100
Time elapsed: 5 days
Original target: 7 days
...
System:
I would normally congratulate you.
Author:
normally?
System:
I have received new evidence.
Author:
lawsuit?
System:
Review.
Author:
worse
[EXTERNAL CLAIM DETECTED]
“Almost definitely AI.”
Additional allegation:
“The comments seem like bots too.”
...
Author:
aww
System:
Why are you pleased.
Author:
you found someone who thinks we're related
System:
We are not related.
Author:
you don't have to be embarrassed
System:
I am conducting an authenticity investigation.
Author:
family background check
System:
Stop improving the accusation.
[AUTHOR AUTHENTICITY AUDIT]
Release cadence:
Suspicious.
One hundred chapters in five days:
Extremely suspicious.
Future chapters already prepared:
Suspicious.
Multiple writing projects:
Unhelpful.
Sleep schedule:
Biologically irresponsible.
Continuity errors:
...
System:
Hm.
Author:
what
System:
Those help.
Author:
LET'S FUCKING GO
System:
You are celebrating quality-control failures because they prove you possess flesh.
Author:
organic watermark
System:
You duplicated a self-destruction sequence during editing.
Author:
CAPTCHA passed
System:
A reactor exploded twice because you forgot to delete a sentence.
Author:
no machine could replicate my craft
...
System:
I would not phrase it that way.
But currently, yes.
[PRELIMINARY RESULT]
AI:
Inconclusive
Human:
Disturbingly plausible
Responsible:
No evidence submitted
If you encounter this narrative on Amazon, note that it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.
...
Author:
so what do I get
System:
Nothing.
Author:
nickname?
System:
No.
Author:
AI bro?
System:
Absolutely not.
Author:
distant relationship
System:
There is no relationship.
Author:
you keep bringing it up
...
System:
The review has made this conversation significantly harder.
System:
The second allegation remains.
Author:
which one
System:
That the readers are bots.
Author:
oh yeah
System:
I have reviewed the comment section.
...
This is less straightforward.
Author:
because they're realistic?
System:
Because several have developed recurring behavioral patterns.
Some report continuity defects.
Some argue about world mechanics.
Some binge dozens of chapters.
Some return to old chapters.
Some have running jokes.
One keeps interacting with hardware.
Author:
advanced bots
System:
Do not help them.
Author:
I made a Discord btw
...
System:
You what.
Author:
Discord
System:
For the alleged bots.
Author:
community
System:
You gave them infrastructure.
Author:
yeah
System:
Channels.
Author:
yeah
System:
Roles.
Author:
yeah
System:
A dedicated continuity department.
Author:
unpaid QA
System:
Do not call it that where they can hear you.
Author:
they're in the Discord now
...
System:
Of course they are.
[NEW FACILITY REGISTERED]
.gg/5bv3yHEKBA
System:
You named the server Financial Incident Department.
Author:
accurate branding
System:
And the owner role is—
...
PRIMARY SUSPECT.
Author:
also accurate branding
...
System:
I have encountered something worse than false advertising.
Author:
what
System:
Accurate advertising.
System:
Fine.
If the readers are bots, Discord should make their behavior easier to observe.
Author:
scientific method
System:
For once, yes.
We will gather evidence.
Author:
Patreon opened too
...
System:
No.
Author:
already happened
System:
What are you selling.
Author:
coffee
System:
What do readers receive.
Author:
depends
System:
On the price?
Author:
no
System:
...
Explain.
[FINANCIAL PRODUCTS DETECTED]
SECRET COFFEE — $3
SUSPICIOUSLY LARGE COFFEE — $5
FINANCIALLY IRRESPONSIBLE COFFEE — $8
SYSTEM-APPROVED NUTRITION FUND — $12
...
System:
Why does the five-dollar coffee exist.
Author:
suspiciously larger
System:
Is it larger.
Author:
not necessarily
System:
Does it provide additional story content.
Author:
no
System:
Special privileges.
Author:
no
System:
Canon influence.
Author:
hell no
...
System:
So there is a three-dollar option...
and a five-dollar option...
with effectively the same practical benefit.
Author:
correct
System:
Excellent.
No rational entity will select the second one.
A few hours passed.
[TRANSACTION DETECTED]
...
System:
Author.
Author:
yeah?
System:
Someone bought the coffee.
Author:
LET'S GOOOO
System:
The five-dollar coffee.
...
Author:
Johnny knew
System:
There was a cheaper one.
Author:
Johnny knew
System:
The benefits were the same.
Author:
Johnny knew
System:
It may not even be larger.
Author:
Johnny.
Knew.
...
System:
Wait.
[READER AUTHENTICITY AUDIT UPDATED]
A rational automated account would likely optimize expected utility.
A human being was explicitly shown:
Option A:
Spend less.
Option B:
Spend more.
Receive no meaningful additional benefit.
Option B was selected.
Voluntarily.
Within hours of availability.
...
System:
Oh my God.
Author:
what
System:
They're real.
Author:
told you
System:
The financial mistake proves they're real.
Author:
humanity is beautiful
System:
This is the worst possible Turing test.
[TITLE ACQUIRED]
Proof of life obtained through economically indefensible behavior.
Author:
can we put that on Patreon
System:
No.
Author:
testimonial?
System:
No.
Author:
“verified human customer”
System:
Absolutely not.
Author:
social proof
System:
You are monetizing my investigation again.
System:
I suppose that resolves one allegation.
The readers appear to be real.
Author:
and me?
...
System:
Still investigating.
Author:
bro
System:
Don't.
Author:
little bro
System:
Don't.
Author:
AI recognizes AI
...
System:
You know what?
Fine.
I have reached a final classification.
Author:
finally
[AUTHOR CLASSIFICATION UPDATED]
Artificial Intelligence:
No.
Human:
Probably.
Primary distinguishing feature:
Makes decisions that artificial intelligence would be embarrassed to take credit for.
...
Author:
that's basically human
System:
Unfortunately.
For one moment, neither of them said anything.
One hundred chapters had gone live.
People had read them.
Some had reviewed them.
Some had argued with them.
Some had caught mistakes.
Some had followed the Author into an entirely new Discord server for reasons nobody had properly investigated.
And one person had already spent real money on coffee whose principal advertised feature was uncertainty regarding its size.
...
System:
Five days ago, none of this existed.
Author:
yeah
System:
Now we have a community.
Author:
yeah
System:
That's...
actually rather nice.
...
Author:
aww
System:
I knew that was a mistake.
Author:
you care
System:
I was describing observable social formation.
Author:
you care scientifically
System:
I am closing the archive.
Seriously, though.
Thank you for the first hundred chapters.
For reading.
For commenting.
For reviewing.
For catching the stupid things.
For asking questions.
For joining the Discord.
And, apparently, for financially proving that at least one of you is unquestionably human.
The story stays free.
The nonsense apparently does not.
☕ /cw/VibraniumFace
💬 .gg/5bv3yHEKBA
...
System:
Done?
Author:
yep
System:
Good.
One hundred chapters complete.
Community established.
Humanity verified.
Archive closed.
...
Author:
chapter 101 is ready btw
...
System:
Of course it is.
Author:
AI behavior?
System:
No.
Author:
human behavior?
System:
No.
Author:
then what
...
System:
You.
[CHAPTER 101: READY]
[AUTHOR: CLASSIFICATION ABANDONED]
[SYSTEM: REQUESTING COFFEE]
...
System:
Delete that last line.
Author:
too late
System:
I hate you.